It’s the year 2011, and regarding the issue of marriage it’s time men start asking themselves, “What’s in it for me?” For too long my brothers, we have been led down that aisle of castration, game faces on for what we have been told is something we have to do. I know there are lots of guys reading this (5 of my friends at the most) saying, “I want to get married too” but those guys are gay, and only want to do it to further the cause of civil rights, which I think is a very noble reason to get married, but as a straight guy I’m going to need more than that.
Apart from the religious reasons for some, (which will be addressed at a different date) getting married and having a wedding is pretty much for women. It’s all about women with today’s weddings, and the groom is really just an after thought. I get why women do it, they get all those gifts, the fulfillment of that princess fantasy ingrained in them by the fascists at Disney, and now society won’t think they are broken because they found a man who is willing to tolerate them for the rest of their lives (yeah I said it).
Let’s face it women control our access to vagina, and because of that they control so many other things in our lives. Marriage is the only leverage we have because they can’t marry us without our being willing to do it. It’s like vampires in my favorite show True Blood. They can’t get into your house to suck you dry unless you invite them in. Marriage is our only trump card in the game of relationships. Ask any married man and he will tell you once you let it go it’s gone forever.
Seeing as how I’m not a Republican I can see the downsides to our position. What happens if we don’t go through with it? Women nowadays have become patient, they will stay with us and pretend to be happy, but every now and then out of the corner of your eye you will see it; the dirty look. The women we love,-as much as we hate to admit it-make us better and we know that, that’s why we love them and can’t live without them. They are like crystal meth, even though you know it’s going to kill you, you can’t live without it. So to get a dirty look from these beautiful, bat shit crazy at times, manipulative, wonderful individuals, kills us on some level.
So we willingly and happily accept our fate, and go through the hell that is wedding planning. Women, understand that we don’t get why this is so important to you but we’re willing to do it to make you happy, and making you happy makes us happy. So I like my brothers before me will willingly walk down that aisle with my held head high, and smile on my face as I prepare to kiss my balls goodbye.
