I have been compelled to come out of retirement (laziness) to write again to address this pervasive issue I have seen infiltrating the soul of this great nation. It’s not the lack of gun control laws, nor is it the slow destruction of workers rights by conservative lead and corporate funded initiatives, and neigh it is not creeping intrusion of government into medical health of women. It is something far more sinister. It is BITCHASSNESS.
“What is bitchassness and why have I never heard of it?” you may be asking yourselves. No you may have never heard the term but you have felt it deep in your gut. Whenever you see a man become overly emotional over some complete bullshit and you feel the urge to slap him and tell him to put on his big boy pants this is your body’s natural rejection of bitchassness.
Many of you out there are probably wondering why bitchassness is a problem. It’s a problem because it’s freaking annoying. Whenever you see a guy get all weepy and sad for 6 months over a two month relationship. Whenever you see a guy take shit personal that nobody should ever take personal. Or when he complains that there are women out there don’t want a “good guy”; no you pussy she just doesn’t want you!!!!
I’m not saying it’s bad for a man to feel these emotions from time to time. I’m just saying it’s wrong for him to let people know he’s feeling them. Handle your emotions like man goddamn it. Bury them deep down and watch them melt away as you pour alcohol on them. Sometimes it helps to go to a strip club, or sleep with some random woman. This way instead of dwelling on the initial even that cause this flare up of bitchassness you can focus on your feelings of regret once you’ve gotten crabs.
You would be foolish to believe that this insipid disease is only limited to men. Women can also show symptoms of bitchassness. For example when they might profess how much they love their life or how bless they are. BITCHASSNESS! Maybe they feel the need to tell the world on a weekly basis how much they love their significant other or their child. BITCHASSNESS! When they (and you know who they are) feel it’s necessary to post positive messages online on a Monday morning. BITCHASSNESSSSS!!!!!
The spread of bitchassness has been slow and controllable throughout the decades ever since the cancelling of Married With Children. However with the creation of social media and the need to constantly post shit online it has spread at an exponential rate. I urge you to help in the fight against the spread of bitchassness. You can do this by calling people out on their bitchassness whenever you see it happening. Whenever they post some bullshit online, call them out by posting in the comment box BITCHASSNESS. Alone we cannot defeat this horrible disease, but together maybe we can slow it’s spread and maybe cure some of the afflicted, so that one day we can live in a world where we don’t have to know the sappy bullshit that goes on in people’s heads.
Thank you and Godspeed.
