“It’s not my fault you have hot friends”

The Boob Light Theory Relative to Men states that light reflected from the cleavage of your significant other’s best friend will be directly reflected into a man’s eyes (not really a scientific theory, but any physicist out there reading this should get started working on it). The point is that it’s not my fault your friend’s boobs were looking at my eyes! It’s ok and excusable that women may cry at a certain time of the month or have mood swings due to hormone changes when pregnant. Nobody gives any consideration though to the effects that testosterone has on a man’s brain and how he looks at the women that surround him.

We can’t help the thoughts we have about women and we are tired of feeling guilty about them. Admittedly, it’s awkward when the woman bending over in front of us in those tight ass shorts is one of your relatives, but hey women should take it as a compliment that we are admiring the beauty of your family. If it’s really that big of a deal maybe you should have told your cousin to not wear those shorts. Or maybe you should have a talk with your mother about which dresses are appropriate for church related events.

All men have been in the situation where your girlfriend’s best friend bends over and you are forced to look at mountains of glorious cleavage, rivaling the majesty of the Swiss Alps. These images will forever be burned into our brains and we can’t doing anything about it (please see above Boob Light Theory). We cannot be held responsible for what stored images get called up in our brains during one on one sessions with Mr. Bojangles (names of individual gentiles may vary). 

Women shouldn’t get angry when they catch us staring at these clearly off limit individuals. In all honesty we weren’t even looking at them necessarily, just certain body parts that they may have. Men have the wonderful amazing ability to completely objectify women. I really consider it a superpower. So we can stare at your co-workers ass without every really acknowledging that it belongs to your co-worker. It’s the ass that we find beautiful not the co-worker.

One of the reasons why this happens to men and not women so much is because women don’t have those same superpowers. Of course a woman may think a guy has a nice body, but if they know that guy they are going to attach those images to a personality. It’s like naming a Thanksgiving turkey before you kill it; once you name it you feel guilty about killing it. Men don’t have that problem because we don’t need that amazing ass to have a name and we don’t care about attaching a personality to boobs.

So ladies, the next time you catch your man staring at something on someone they shouldn’t be looking at, please just understand he isn’t going to leave you for your sister (in most cases). In our minds we don’t even recognize that it’s your sister. For some of you it may be too hard to overlook this and if that is the case stop hanging out with attractive women. It’s not our fault you have hot friends.