It’s the year 2011, and regarding the issue of marriage it’s time men start asking themselves, “What’s in it for me?” For too long my brothers, we have been led down that aisle of castration, game faces on for what we have been told is something we have to do. I know there are lots of guys reading this (5 of my friends at the most) saying, “I want to get married too” but those guys are gay, and only want to do it to further the cause of civil rights, which I think is a very noble reason to get married, but as a straight guy I’m going to need more than that.
Apart from the religious reasons for some, (which will be addressed at a different date) getting married and having a wedding is pretty much for women. It’s all about women with today’s weddings, and the groom is really just an after thought. I get why women do it, they get all those gifts, the fulfillment of that princess fantasy ingrained in them by the fascists at Disney, and now society won’t think they are broken because they found a man who is willing to tolerate them for the rest of their lives (yeah I said it).
Let’s face it women control our access to vagina, and because of that they control so many other things in our lives. Marriage is the only leverage we have because they can’t marry us without our being willing to do it. It’s like vampires in my favorite show True Blood. They can’t get into your house to suck you dry unless you invite them in. Marriage is our only trump card in the game of relationships. Ask any married man and he will tell you once you let it go it’s gone forever.
Seeing as how I’m not a Republican I can see the downsides to our position. What happens if we don’t go through with it? Women nowadays have become patient, they will stay with us and pretend to be happy, but every now and then out of the corner of your eye you will see it; the dirty look. The women we love,-as much as we hate to admit it-make us better and we know that, that’s why we love them and can’t live without them. They are like crystal meth, even though you know it’s going to kill you, you can’t live without it. So to get a dirty look from these beautiful, bat shit crazy at times, manipulative, wonderful individuals, kills us on some level.
So we willingly and happily accept our fate, and go through the hell that is wedding planning. Women, understand that we don’t get why this is so important to you but we’re willing to do it to make you happy, and making you happy makes us happy. So I like my brothers before me will willingly walk down that aisle with my held head high, and smile on my face as I prepare to kiss my balls goodbye.
Congrats! When's the weeding?
ReplyDeleteWow, I'm not sure even where to begin or even who these women are that you speak of? There are a lot of gals out there who are happy to have a wedding that cost less than $200 bucks. (Outside the rings because there's not much you can do there but bargain shop.)Or will even stay with their partner without marriage for as long as the arrangement is meant to last. Although, not being married and having shared assets and kids gets to be complicated unless you've got a boatload of legal material that allows you to handle each others important stuff in case of an emergency.
ReplyDeleteBut that's not the point. Here's what marriage has to offer you....
!.) A longer life! Statistically speaking, married men live longer than unmarried men.
2.) Better health. Even having sex only three times a week will make you look and feel younger. (Yeah, not pulling that one out of thin air. Google it.)
3.) In my experience, every successful man I've seen has a woman who's been there to support his efforts and help give him that edge by taking on the responsibility for all the little day-to-day issues. Everything from finances to kids to making sure his suit is dry cleaned and ready to go in the morning.
4.) Your wife and family, by providing a loving environment, will help take away the stress of your work day. You might think, "Yeah sure, now I gotta talk to the wife, play with the kids, help with dinner and baths. Yadda, yadda, yadda." Don't underestimate how much those little moments with your heathens count towards big rewards, like baby hugs and I love you's.
5.) You'll, now, always have someone who knows you better than anyone else who will help balance out those times when stupid ideas come into focus. Nothing like another opinion on a decision that affects your life.
If that isn't reason enough to commit to someone you care deeply about that doesn't solely revolve around the legal aspects of a lawful union than I don't know what qualifies. Marriage isn't always about the death of your testicles or strangling your manhood. Believe it or not, sometimes marriage takes everything in your life and makes it better. ;)